Girl chatting with a boy

Girl: Hi baby...

Boy: Hiii honey...
(sending failed)

Girl: R u there???

Boy: Yes yes…im here…
(sending failed)

Girl: R u ignorng me or wat???

Boy: Honey i m nt..i m ryt here…
(sending failed)

Girl: Its over..dnt evr talk to me again!

Boy: Ha ja Bhad me jaa kamini..
(message sent)

Explain sex without any bad word

Teacher: Explain sex without any bad word.

Santa: It is an entry of


into Holland,

in between Thailand,

when Man & woman both are in Nagaland....:-))

Santa ki hosiyaari

Santa ne Ghar ka Darwaza ukhara or kandhe pe rakh k Bazar me gya

1 Admi ne poucha: O paaji, Kya Drwaza Bechna he?

Santa:Nhi Tala Khulwana hai Chabi gum ho gye hai.

Hanso mat..Joke abhi aage hai

Admi santa se: Agar ghar mai chor ghus gye to..?

Santa:Andar kese jayega drwaza to mere pas hai....

Galatfehmi ka Fayda

Ek time meri girlfrnd ne mujhe apne ghar bulaya,
Mai ghar pahucha aur bell bajai,
Uski choti sister ne darwaza khola,
Wo bahut sundar thi,
Muskura k boli aap bahut smart ho,
Abhi ghar par koi nahi hai.
Mai akeli hu,Mai muskraya aur,
Apni bike ki taraf wapas jane laga,
To uski puri family ghar se bahar aa gayi aur,
Meri sharafat ki tareef karte huey,
Mujhe gale lagaya aur kaha,
Hum ko rishta manzur hai.
Ab mai kya batau...??
Ki Mai to bike ko lock karne gaya tha...

Saasu maa Apne 3 Damado ka pyar dekhne ke liye dariya me kud gayi
1st damad ne bacha liya... Saas ne use Car di
2nd day fir kudi.
2nd damad ne bachaya, to bike mili...
3rd day fir kudi . . .
3rd damad ne socha "Cycle hi reh gayi hai, kya fayda" Aur saas doob gayi.
Agle din us damad ko Mercedes mili..


Sasur ne di... :) :)

Girls Facts

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend To confirm that
2. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your college / office."..... ..100 % true
3. If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will Let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
4. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends With you.
5. Theory of relativity.... The more u run towards a hot chick.... the more she goes away from u...
6.Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend.
7. All the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go Around with u and ruin ur head, money,health and leave u a total wreck.
8. The more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad Will hate u
9. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to The number of bullets her dad will be showering at you..
10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you Will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day

Santa ki nadaani

Shaadi ki raat Santa Confuse ho gaya ...
ki baat kaise shuru kare.... !!
Aadha Ghanta Sochne ke baad aakhir...apni biwi se bola:-
Aapke gharwaalo ko pata hai na aaj aap Yahin rukengi...??

Smart Girl

An English teacher wrote these words on the board:
"woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
One Boy came & wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the boys clapped in the classroom for him....
After sometime a Girl came and just made a small change to the Boy's Statement and all the classroom got shocked by the new result.....
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Now Clap for the Girls....

Mother v/s Father

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?"

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it
possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Santa and Santa's son

Santa's son was filling An Application form...

The form asked about "Mother Tongue"?

Son: Papa main ethe ki likha?

Santa: Likh puttar "Very LONG AND UNCONTROLLED"

That's AMRITSAR...

Scenario 1 : Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and.They start arguing about who is right. ...
You are in KOLKATA.
Scenario 2 : Two guys are fighting and a third comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI.
Scenario 3 : Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI.
Scenario 4 : Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that AMMA doesn't like this nonsense. Peace comes in.
Scenario 5: Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.

Girls v/s Boys

Girl : I am in love ♥
Girl 1: who is he ??
Girl 2: is he smart ?
Girl 3: Where did u met ??
Girl 4: Is he rich ?
Girl 5: beware he must be dating some other girl

Boy : I am in Love ♥
Boy 1: Bhai party ..
Boy 2: Bhai party..
Boy 3: Bhai party..
Boy 4: Bhai party.. .
Boy 5: Bhai party...

Girls will be Girls

Girl: Babe, delete her. I don't like her
Boy: Okay, no problem. I deleted her for you.
Girl: Don't talk to her. I don't trust you guys talking.
Boy: Okay, I won't talk to her,
Girl: Don't chill with her. I don't feel comfortable with it.
Boy: Alright, I won't see her so you don't have to worry
Girl: You better not be flirting with any other girls
Boy: I'm not, baby. I don't even talk to much girls anymore.

Boy: Babe, delete him. I don'tlike him
Girl: But I've known him for awhile. He's like a brother to me.
Boy: Don't talk to him. I don't trust you guys talking.
Girl: But we're just friends. There's nothing going on.
Boy: Don't chill with him. I don't feel comfortable with it
Girl: But we chill in the same circle of friends, it's not like he doesn't know about you.
Boy: You better not be flirting with any other guys
Girl: They're not flirting with me, they're just being friendly

Tit for Tat policy

Sis 2 bro :"What are you giving 2 Grand maa on her b'day
Bro :"A Football"
Sis :"But Grand ma kaha kehlti hai"
Bro :"Meri b'day per unho ne Bhagvat Gita diya tha uska kya.."

Engineering Exam

In engineering exam a question came..
A parrot sits on an elephant and the
elephant died..Prove it.
Engineer answer:"
assume that elephant name was parrot and
the parrot name was elephant... ;-))

Khatarnak Student

*Extraordinarily Khatarnak Student*
Teacher: "Do you know Avogadro's
Student(Pappu): "Avogadro Ladka Tha
Ya Ladki"..?
Teacher: "Ladka"..!!
Student(Pappu): "Sorry Dude,
Mai Ladko Ke Number Nahi Rakhta"..!!!

Santa ki Kaamyabi

Fighter pilot santa kamyabi k baad apna jahaaz land karne pe bohut khush hua..

Niche utarne pe ground staff ne usey hatho hath liya..
aur uski wardi utarne me help karne lage..
Santa (fakr se):" Aaj maine Pakistan ke 4 jahaaz, 2 helicopter or 1 tank ko mara hai..
Ground Staff:" Wo sab to theek hailekin sir ji apne 1 galti kar di..
Santa:" Kaun si galti.. ??
Ground Staff:" Bas aap is khushi me Pakistan me hi land kar gaye hain...

Hame Padhai Krne Se Rokti Hai

At the age 24, he was a bus conductor..
He dint even completed his university education
-Bill Gates-
The one who served in hotels..
In childhood he stiched shoes.
-Ab Lincoln-
He worked in a Petrol bunk..
-Dhiru Ambani-
Who failed in 10th standard
-Sachin Tendulkar-
Education drop out and initially a key-board player..
Try things you love to do..
Studies doesn't matters..
Moral:"Bas ye hi Baate to Hame Padhai Krne Se Rokti Hai


Pappu:" Maa main KBC se bol raha hu mere Pitaji
ka kya naam hai..???
Maa:" sawal kitne ka hai.. ??
Pappu:" 1000 Rs ka..
Maa:" Quit kar de, 1000 Rs k liye ghar me BAWAL ho jayega...

Today's Reality

"Today's Reality"
Big House Small Family,
More Degrees Less Common Sense,
Advanced Medicine Poor Health,
Touched Moon Neighbours Unknown,
High Income Less peace of Mind,
High IQ Less Emotions,
Good Knowledge Less Wisdom,
Number of affairs No true love,
Lot of friends on Facebook No best friends,
More alcohol Less water,
Lots of Human Less Humanity,
Costly Watches But No time"

Ek charsi ki bhool...

Ek charsi nay doston ki dawat ka program banaya,
aur apnay ghar say raat ko bakra chori kia,
Aur khoob dawat ki,
subha jab ghar poncha to bakra ghar main tha, bivi say pocha bakra kahan say aya?
Bivi boli bakray ko goli maro!!
yeh batao raat ko tum kuttay ko kahan lay kar gay thay…?

Meri wali ne...

Bahut acha song h bas thodi si
editing kri hai...
Kehte hai khuda ne is jahha mai
sabhi k
liye kisi na kisi ko hai banaya
har kisi ke liye ......
Meri wali ne toh lagta hai suicide kar li hai sarusi milti hi nahi...

Engineers's reaction on beautiful girl

Once a group of Engineers went to "tirth yatra"
Their Guide said don't get distracted if u see beautiful girl .
Just close ur eyes & say HARI OM......
Next day 1 of them said HARI OM &
everyone's reaction was.

Be honest...

A new lady teacher came to teach 4th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, " Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher (was confused to listen but said), "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us.
So it's ok John. Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher(now got surprised and said,) "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next. "
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...and the last boy stands up. "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub. "
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyways, now the girls please. "

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next.
Teacher "You sweet girl; Yes you...(Most beautiful girl of the class)
Sweet girl "Madam, my name is 'Bubble ', and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Teacher Fainted !!!

3 Idiots Facebook Version

Aamir Khan *Smiling*
Teacher:" Aap Muskura kyu rhe hai ??
Aamir Khan:" Bahot Dino se FB Page ka Admin banne ki iccha thi,
aaj Ban gya hu, bahot maza aa rha hai..
Teacher:" jyada Maze Lene Ki Zarurat nahi hai....

ok Tell me What is a Post ??
Aamir Khan: Anything that is posted on Facebook is Post Sir..
Teacher:" Can you Please elaborate ??
Aamir Khan:" Sir, jo bhi Facebook pe log daalte hai wo post hai sir..
Ghumne gye toh photo daal diya!!
Post hai Sir..
Match dekha Score daal diya!!!
Post hai Sir..
Sir actually hum post se ghire huye hai sir..
Katrina ki Pic se Ronaldo ki Kick tak!!
Sab post hai sir Ek second me Comment, ek second me like!
Comment-like, Like-comment..
Teacher:" Shut up! ADMIN banke ye karoge ??
Hey chatur tum batao ??
Chatur:" Pictures, texts or Videos posted through Mobile or Tablet or laptop or desktop via Different Operating system
using Internet on Facebook is called a Post..
Teacher:" excellent..
Aamir Khan:" par sir maine bhi toh wo hai bola seedhe shabdo mein..
Teacher:" Seedhe shabdo me karna hai toh kisi aur page ke admin bano..:-@
Aamir Khan:" Par sir dusre admin bhi toh..
Teacher:" Get out!
Aamir Khan:" why sir ??
Teacher:" Seedhe Shabdo me bahar jaiye..
*Aamir Khan goes out and Comes Back*
Teacher:" kya hua ??
Aamir Khan:" kuch Bhul gya tha sir..
Teacher:" Kya ??
Aamir Khan:" An Utility button given us to protect our Private data..
i.e pictures, messages or personal Information for being stolen or Used for bad purpose by hackers or anyone else..
Teacher:" kehna kya chahte ho ??
Aamir Khan:" logout sir..
Logout karna bhul gya tha..
Teacher:" seedha seedha nai bol sakte the.. ??
Aamir Khan:" thodi der pehle try kiya tha sir, aapko pasand nahi aaya...

Ultimate Bezzatti

Gf:" Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu..
Bf:" Nahi..
GF:" Kyun ??
BF:" Main "hanuman chalisa" padh kar sota hu...

Girls never understand a boy

A Boy was driving a car..
A girl on scooty
overtook him..
Boy shouted,"Hey Buffalo"
Girl turned back n shouted..
"you donkey, flirt, stupid monkey"
Suddenly she had an accident She was hit
by a buffalo crossing the road...
MORAL: "Girls never understand what a
boy wants 2 say"

Kash life aisi hoti yaar

Kash life aisi hoti yaar.
Monday ko dosti..
Tuesday ko ikrar..
Wednesday ko pyar..
Thursday ko intzar..
Friday ko shadi..
Saturday ko talaq..
Sunday ko rest..
Monday ko next..

Shareef banda

kafi time lagta hai ek shareef bande ko
girlfrnd patane me..
Phir agar pat jaye toh..
kisi ka baap bhi use dobara shareef nahi
bana sakta...

What Indian parents say to their daughters

Middle School = Don't talk to boys
High School = Don't talk to boys
College = Don't talk to boys
After Graduation = Don't talk to boys

Age 23 = I think it's time for you to get married.

When a Women Loves

When a Woman loves you , you are a Husband ...............
When a few Women love you , you are a Man .............
When many Women love you , you are a Lover ..............
When Hundreds of women love you , you are an Idol .............
When thousands of Women love you , you are a Leader ...........
When all the Women in the world love you, you are not Human ...
You are a Diamond , Gold , Clothes , Rupee , Cosmetics , Gol Gappe...

What's winning attitude

What's winning attitude ?

3 ants saw an elephant coming.!!

Ant1 : we will kill him

Ant2 : we will break his legs

Ant3 : Forgive him guys, he is alone & we are 3..!!

Girlfriend v/s Friend

Girlfriend v/s Friend
Girlfriend- Exam kaisa gaya dear?
Boy- Bahut acha gaya, mast tha sweetheart..
Friend- kaisa gaya yaar exam?
Boy- Abe saale Bhootni k tujhe koi aur topic nhi milta kya mood
kharab karne k liye kamine
Saala meko kya pata tha ki english ka paper hai..main to History padh k gaya tha.


HUSBAND or WIFE Main Jhagda Ho Raha Tha......
BIWI   :- Kash Main Apni Ammi Ki Baat Maan Leti or Tum Se Shadi Na Karti.
Shohar :- Kya Matlab... Tumhari Maa Ne Mujh Se Shadi Karne Ko Mana Kiya Tha..?
BIWI  :- Or Nahi To Kya......
Shohar :- A Khuda....... Main Aaj Tak Us Nek Aurat Ko Kitna Bura Samjhta Raha Jisne Mujhe Bachana Chaha........

Gabbar v/s Thakur

Gabbar :Thakurrrr ye mobile... hum ko dede..

Thakur :Dekh yarr hath-pair ka mazak thik hai...

Mobile se mazak masti nhi

Facebook chalu hai or Basanti online hai..

ladkiya bewkoof hoti hai

Ek newspaper me chhapa ki...
"50% ladkiya bewkoof hoti hai"
Is baat par ladkiyo ne khub halla machaya..
Fir next day jab ye chapa k"50%
ladkiya bewkoof nahi hoti"
Tab jakar ladkiya shant hui...

Best Woman for KISS

Never kiss a police woman,
she will say stop hands up.
Never kiss a doctor,
she will say next
Plz always kiss :
a teacher,
she will say wrong do it again..♥

Ye Pyar Kab Hota Hai

Question : Ye Pyar Kab Hota Hai? .

Answer : Jab Time Kharab Chal Raha Ho,

Raahu Ketu Aur Shani Ki Dasha Kharab Ho,

Aapka Mangal Kamzor Ho,

Or Bhagwaan Maze Lene Ke Mood Me Ho..!!

2 Snakes on chating

2 Snakes on chat:
Snake 1: fusss
Snake 2 : fusss
Snake 1: fusss fusss fusss
Snake 2: fussss fusss fusss
Snake 1: fussss fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss
Snake 2: fussss fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss
Snake 1 : Bhow bhow bhow......
Snake2: saale aa gaya na aukat pe, mujhe pata tha fake ID bnake aya hai tu..

Why boys call all girls Item

Why boys call all girls "Item" ??
Bcoz item means "maal"
maal means "paisa"
paisa means "laxmi"
aur ladkiyan toh ghar ki laxmi hoti
"Rishta wahi soch nayi"

I am pregnant

EK baari ek ladki ke urine test karane jaati hai, pathology lab mein, waha uski report exchange ho jaati hai!!

Ladki oh Shit ab toh ungli pe bhi bharosa nahi rha hai I am pregnant

Difficult To Understand Girls

Few days back when she called me I was having lunch
She got angry that i didnt ask her to join me..
Today when she called i was Taking bath
& i asked her to join, she was angry again...

Pati ki Preshaani

Pati = Tere Baap ki Ungli karne ki aadat gayi nahi ?

Biwi = Kyu, ab kya hua ? :o

Pati = Aaj phir se pooch rahe the...

"Meri beti se shaadi karke khush ho na"

Who's guilty in the situation

A Wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts:"Get up quickly my hasband is here!!!"
the man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himslef and then realizes"Damn, I am the hasband!!!"